She only had enough money to rent a small flat, about 12 square metres, in a slum and not long after nightfall found herself living next to a group of streetwalkers. But it didn’t matter much to her as long as she could keep her lover staying until 11 o’clock while her little daughter was left in the care of her mother. Now, curled up in the crook of his arm, she was sobbing bitterly. Holding her gently he said: "Just cry out loud for relief! From now on I’ll always be with you." And then, he kissed her. It was the same kiss that had made her come to this rebellious decision.

Indeed, she felt quite comfortable in his embrace. Time seemed to be suspended even though it kept flying. And now it was time for him to leave as there could hardly be any meeting to drag on until mid-night. Reluctantly, she got out of bed to see him off and then fell into a deep sleep.

At noon the next day, he called her to say that he would come to take her to lunch and after that stay at her place for a while- there was no need for them to wander around anymore. To be sure, he would take her in his arms and console her with sweet words and kisses.

She tried to ease her mind with the idea that everything has its price. "I choose to live with my daughter simply because I cannot bear being tied down in a family life," she thought to herself. "I need a lover just to relieve my loneliness. I love a married man and readily resign myself to any share of his affair."

How comfortable it would be to live a new life! Now she no longer cared about anyone’s complaints as she could freely go out and come back home anytime she wished. Sometimes, in high spirits, she cooked at home; sometimes, in a foul mood, she ate out or wandered around after leaving her daughter at her mother’s house. In whatever circumstances, she promised not to call him on his home number. She agreed to let him enjoy the weekend with his family as she already had him from Monday to Friday. He often spent two hours in her flat, at lunchtime from 11.30 to 13.30- that was enough for a coupling without the past or future, even without the present.

The weather now changed rather quickly. The hot morning sun cooling down in the afternoon could easily make people feel the blues. After handing her daughter to her mother she spent the whole of Friday evening strolling around. On Saturday, she called some of her friends but all of them said they were busy. Then she took to watching television or reading. The day was so long and boring that she had to take a sleeping pill.

Later, she awoke in a daze from her slumber. It took her a full minute to compose herself before she could hear a painful wail coming from behind the house. Glancing at her watch she saw it was 2 am- the time the streetwalkers often came home. But this time she noticed something strange in addition to the usual sounds of their noisy talks and their clogs crunching on the pavement. Maybe, one of them had been attacked or robbed. She kept lying still and quiet to see if her guess was right.

Suddenly there was an angry shout: "Hong, slap her in the mouth. Thom, shut her up with a rag." Then, someone cried out in a subdued voice: "Oh, Thanh! I’ve let you down. I lied to you when I said I would find a decent job here. But, in fact, I am just a cheap prostitute. Dear Thanh, Mummy and Daddy, please forgive me for walking the streets."

Then came the same angry voice again: "I’ve told you to shut her up. Thoa, strike her in the mouth."

It seemed to her that girl was drunk.

The young woman then thought about her lover, recalling all his tender words and caring manners that had lulled her to sleep.

That Sunday morning, she woke up at seven as she intended to pick up her little daughter from her mother’s house and go to the park. But she felt something strange inside herself, and her head throbbed with a dull ache. Towards noon she found herself really sick, and her temperature rose to 39.5oC. As this had rarely happened to her before, she badly needed someone beside her at this moment and the first image that came to her mind was that of her lover. She picked up the phone and dialed his home number, having forgotten her unwritten promise. Luckily, his voice was heard at the other end of the line and she told him briefly about her sickness.

"Please call me at the office tomorrow to talk about the business," he said in a cold tone before hanging up.

She felt as if her heart came to a stop. Her arms and legs were trembling so much that she had to lie down on the bed panting. As tears blurred her eyes she started to sob uncontrollably. After a while, she felt much relieved and tried to get up with the sudden thought that his wife might be standing beside him when she called.

At noon on Monday, he came and brought her a beautiful bunch of flowers and a huge bag of fruits. He stepped towards her, held her firmly in his arms and kissed her, wetting his lips on the remnants of tears still visible on her cheeks.

"No more crying, darling. I’m now here with you," he said. His voice sounded like music to her ears and she felt calm again in his embrace. But, at 13.30, he still left for his office even though her temperature remained high at 390C. There must be a lot of work to do on Monday, she thought.

Three days later, the young woman fully recovered. But in those days she had witnessed the laughing and crying scenes of the streetwalkers often coming home long after mid-night. Behind her flat was the rest house rented by the five fallen girls whom she could tell from one another by the way they spoke. The one who had angrily shouted to Hong, Thom and Thoa to slap Xoan in the mouth the other night was called Lan and she might be the eldest among them. One night, she came back, shouting from the outside.

"Hey you, turn off all the lights!"

"What’s the matter?," asked Hong from inside the house.

"I’m stark naked with nothing on," Lan said before relating her problem.

"Damn him, the son-of-a-bitch. He said he had rented a house but he screwed me on the riverside. He put on three condoms for fear of contracting disease and not only did it for free but even took away all my clothes."

"There’s blood, sister."

"Sparing some blood is nothing. Don’t you understand my rage?"

"Sister...," said Hong in a sobbing voice.

"What’s the use of crying? Just lie on the bed we have made for ourselves."

"Please cry a bit for relief, sister. If not, you’ll go mad."

Now the young woman knew too well why they had cried and laughed for relief. When finding herself pregnant due to her carelessness she told him and he said with a painful face: "Oh, poor you!". She then thought he was really an earnest lover.

The nurse took her to an empty bed and said: "Please have a little rest before leaving here." She lay down and looked around but no space was left for her peace and privacy. In front of her eyes she saw some couples, both young and old, lovingly taking care of each other. Oh, yes. A normal life that is!

During the time of living with her husband, she had faced the same problem of pregnancy. To make her less worried he looked for help from a friend of his who was a well-known and respected doctor. Before entering the doctor’s operating room she turned back and saw a frightening look in her husband’s eyes. There could be many things to complain about him but he always cared for her when she was sick, in pregnancy or in labour pain, no matter what difficult circumstances presented themselves.

The young woman seemed to be in a daze as sleepiness came over her. As one hour or two hours of staying in the clinic would make no difference to her, she decided to have a comfortable rest at home instead. She then rose up, changed her skirt and got out of the room. Be careful, she told herself. Going down the stairs slowly, she felt her knees tremble a bit. When reaching the last step, she felt something moving inside her, down from below her stomach, something in the form of liquid that made her close her legs and sit down gradually at the bottom of the staircase. After a while, she grabbed the balustrade to get up from and saw a blood stain on it. She tried to walk through the gate but, feeling the sticky wetness between her legs, had to lean her back against it, waiting for a motorcycle taxi to come and take her home.

In her toilet later, the young woman found her trousers soaked in blood.

Now, lying still in bed, she fully realized the price of her hastiness. But luck was still with her. The physical exhaustion quickly put her to sleep. When she woke up it was late in the afternoon and there was a hush in the air. She turned her thoughts to him, wishing to have him beside her so that she could lay her head on his chest and burst into tears to relieve her grief, sorrow and worry. He would put his arm around her and stroke her back or maybe lie down in bed, behind her back, to taste the smell of her, the feel of her, as he did on some relaxing occasions.

The longing desire placed her in a haze of illusion. There he is, she imagined, opening the door and coming into the room. His shadow darkens the pale light of the afternoon. He slowly steps towards the bed, sits down beside her and holds her close to him. Her hand goes up towards him... then drops down dangling by the bedside.

The illusion caused acute pain in her shoulders and spasms in her waist as if she had been gripped by a pair of pincers. She tried to turn over but saw nobody. Only darkness was further closing in upon her.

She felt very hungry, thirsty and weak and was scared of turning on the light. She quickly opened her phone book to find her closest friend’s home number. She called her but no one answered. She then called one of her colleagues and she was also not home. She saw his number and hesitated for a moment before deciding to call him at any cost. She tried to ask, in a different voice, about him but was told that he had taken his little boy to a swimming pool and not yet come back home. She found herself completely exhausted. She had told him that she would go to the hospital today.

The red electric bulb seemed to be glaring at her mockingly. "Cry again, laugh again and shout again at the top of your voice to regain strength," it seemed to say. "Try to suffer through Sunday to Monday and then he will come with love and care. Cry again and laugh again..." She wanted to smash the bloody bulb but could only reach out enough to turn off the light.

In the darkness her thoughts became clearer and clearer. Once she met a woman who said to her: "You look as if you are filled with an overwhelming sense of outrage. I know there is an effective cure that will make you feel much relieved. If you are being tormented by your husband and children, every morning after getting up, you just go to the top of your building, look up at the sky and curse three times: "Damn your ancestors, damn your ancestors, damn your ancestors! Why did you let all your excrement flow into my house?" If you are being tormented by your chief, you also go up there, call aloud the name of your chief three times and add these two words at the end: "Damn you, damn you, damn you!" And then you will feel much less enraged in your heart. Long-nurtured rage will cause cancer in your body."

Now she fully understood that the reason for the streetwalkers to cry and laugh after mid-night was just to relieve part of their humiliation so that they could get along with their fallen life tomorrow.

But what was she supposed to do? Could she cry, laugh and shout three times: "Lover, lover, lover!" to regain strength? Well, it is Saturday night and Sunday tomorrow. Just suffer in agony and wait with all your longing desire. Just cry, laugh and shout three times. And on Monday he will come with love and hold you tight to console you again... with sweet words. Oh, how sweet he will be!

Translated by Nguyen Duc Phu